That's Life
by LingLing in da house
Summary: In which Sakura has a really, really bad day - and no one in Konoha (or any other country in the five shinobi nations) is able to tell why. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

_**.**_

* * *

_**Once upon a time, a great kingdom lived in peace. **_

"Good morning, Konoha! This is your future hokage speaking, dattebayo!"

"Shut up!"

"What the hell?!"

"Naruto Uzumaki get down from the hokage monument right now, before I push your sorry ass off it!"

.

_**Once upon a time, a beautiful princess with the prettiest pink hair and greenest eyes lived a perfect life. **_

"Morni… Wow, Sakura-chan! You look like shit!"

"I'm going to kill you, Naruto…"

_**Once upon a time, a princess was loved by her peers for her lovely personality and gentle behavior. **_

"Hag,"

…

"Wow! I think you punched him all the way to Suna, Sakura-chan!"

.

_**Once upon a time, a princess was admired by men through the whole country for her sophisticated and ladylike ways. **_

"Yo-"

"She leaves his sorry ass for some mind-blowing sex with a rich man, who in the end abandons her fat ass"

A book with the title _Icha Icha – Tactics_ drops to the ground with a deep, hollowing thud.

.

_**Once upon a time, a princess found her one true love.**_

"Hn."

"Fuck off, Sasuke"

.

_**Once upon a time, a princess lived happily ever after.**_

…

_Okay maybe not…_

_Sakura Haruno was far from being a perfect princess from a peaceful kingdom. In fact, she was a jounin leveled kunoichi from Konohagakure. A kunoichi with sharp intelligence and skills to match. A kunoichi who was a renowned medic through all the hidden villages. A kunoichi with stunning pink hair and a mean right hook. A kunoichi who unfortunately had one hell of a bad day._

"Forehead. You're late again"

A blue eyed, blonde female grin mockingly at the obvious exhausted pinkette as she storms into Konoha hospital.

"Only fifth time this week, and its... oh! Look at that! It's only Wednesday"

"Shut it, pig! Or I'll shave off your annoying hair and stick it so far up your ass that you'll have to pick it out through your mouth!" she sneers as she walks past the blonde and towards her office, almost knocking over a poor, shaking medic-in-training on her way.

Ino lifts an eyebrow at the raging pinkette. "Charming," she mutters dryly and follows, shooting the young medic-in-training a sympathetic look, before looking towards Sakura once again.

The sight makes her raise her eyebrow so far into her hairline that one wouldn't be able to tell where one started and the other ended.

A loud crash, a flying chair and several screams later, Ino sweat drops and shakes her head. Orochimaru's killing intent had nothing on the raging pinkette further down the hall. It's going to be a long, long day.

_._

_It is known through all of Konoha that when a certain Sakura Haruno is having a bad day, everyone basically has a bad day. It doesn't matter whether it's inside or outside the borders of Konoha._

"Sakura! Sasuke! Tsunade-baa says we have a mission!"

"Fucking hell…."

"Language, Sakura,"

"Shut up, Kakashi."

_._

_Also, let it be said that no matter the rank of the mission or the people involved, Team Seven always has a way of getting into trouble. Big time._

"Sasuke, isn't that your homicidal brother?"

"Hn."

"And the blue one. Kikachi?"

"It's Kisame, you twerp!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever"

"Why you little…!"

"Hey! Where's Sakura and Kakashi?"

"Don't ignore me, you little shit!"

_._

_Back in Konoha, long blonde hair swings from side to side against the back of a girl wearing a purple dress, who is currently looking for her boyfriend. Beautiful blue eyes search out a dark-haired girl in a purple and white jacket, nervously looking around, poking her fingers together._

"Hinata! Have you seen Sai today?"

"If he's awake, he's probably on his way back from Suna,"

"I didn't know he had a mission in Suna,"

"He didn't."

Blue eyes widen in realization.

"Sakura?"

A confirming nod from the shy girl.

"Sakura."

"Oh…"

_._

_Meanwhile, somewhere near the eastern border of… Well, somewhere._

The wind blows roughly through Sakura's hair, as she and Kakashi look around for their stupid, _and very lost, _teammates. Grinding her teeth together she vows to bash their heads together, when she finds them. Kakashi nervously looks at her, ready to flee if necessary.

A sound from a nearby tree makes them both stop in their tracks. Kunais already drawn, ready for attacking or defending, they search out the sounds, and find two men in black cloaks decorated with red clouds.

A blonde man is facepalming, sitting cross-legged on the ground while another man in a hideous orange mask dances around him, humming the theme song to Sailor moon and throws flower petals everywhere.

Despite his reputation as Kakashi of the Sharingan, Kakashi the friend killer and copy ninja Kakashi, a snort escapes him before he can hold it back. Sakura curses at her sensei once again, as the two Akatsuki members jumps into defensive stances, looking in their direction.

"Well, well. If it isn't some Leaf ninja, un." Deidara smirks cockily at them, already preparing his clay for the first attack.

Beside him, Tobi once again begins to sing.

Sakura rolls her eyes as Kakashi also slides into a fighting stance.

"Great. We lose two idiots and runs into two even bigger idiots," she sneers.

Tobi's shoulders sag and he hangs his head.

"Tobi is not an idiot. Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi shut up, un! That bitch killed Sasori-danna, and I'm gonna fucking kill her, yeah!"

"I killed your boyfriend, so fucking what"

Deidara and Tobi freezes at the pinkette's loud outburst. The clay drops to the ground with a thud.

"We're fucking shinobi, shit like that happens every day! What are you going to do? Go home and cry to your pathetic leader? Grow some fucking balls, blondie!"

Deidara will firmly deny it every time in the future Tobi recalls the story, but tears form in the corner of his eyes and he sniffs weakly.

Kakashi sighs deeply while pulling out his _Icha Icha – Tactics_. He then proceeds to sit at the base of a tree, praying to whatever god that Sakura won't kill anyone today.

And she continues cursing them out while Kakashi winces and turns page after page.

.

That is the scenery Itachi and Kisame walks into. Brows raised they observe the two fellow Akatsuki members, hugging each other, snot and tears dripping down their face. Itachi turns his gaze unto Sakura.

"It would seem that-"

"Oh, fucking hell!"

The Sharingan wielder stops mid speech, appalled. High-key insulted by the rudeness of his brother's female team-mate.

"I'm going to find the two idiots, and when I do, I'm going to rip them to pieces!"

She storms away, while Kakashi scrambles after her like a dog, not wanting to get abandoned by its owner.

Itachi sweat drops and internally prays for his brother's safety, while Kisame has to pick up the two crying Akatsuki members, and then poof out of existence.

_._

_Later that evening, Team Seven meets by training ground 3. Sakura being dragged by Naruto through threats and cuss words that would even make Hidan run away in tears._

"Group meeting!"

"What the hell?!"

Three men surrounds the lone pink-haired female, and despite her warning glares of death, begins to question her.

"What's wrong, Sakura?"

"Shut it, Kakashi!"

"No seriously, what is bothering you today?"

"Stay out of it, Naruto!"

"I once read that when a woman is on her peri…"

"Finish that sentence, Sai. I dare you!"

"Hn."

"Fuck off, Sasuke!"

"No, but really…"

"Shannaro!"

Somewhere in the center of Konoha, Yamato shakes his head and sighs. The telltale signs of a loud explosion, the shaking of the ground and the sounds of screaming is enough for him to know that the hokage will tell him to restore one of the training grounds later. The male members of Team Seven just never learns.

_._

_Even later that evening at the hokage building._

A blonde head rises from the table. Drool everywhere and a pounding headache is everything the fifth hokage notices at first. Then the flashbacks come and the hokage groans while putting her head in her hands. The moral hangover drowns the physical hangover, big time.

"Shizune!"

The sound of footsteps gets nearer and nearer until the door to the hokage's office opens and a dark-haired woman with a pig in her arms steps in.

"Yes Tsunade-sama,"

"I think I accidentally lost the ownership of Sakura in a bet yesterday"

A long drawn out silence occurs until the words registers in Shizune's mind.

"What?! Ownership? What do you mean lost?"

"I kind of lost her to the Kazekage in a game of go fish… And I was so sure I would win this time,"

"What did you bet her for?"

"You know that amazing sake, Temari bought the last time she visited for some ambassador work?"

"…"

"…"

"Tsunade-sama!"

"Ah, never mind. It probably won't bother her too much, right?"

"…"

"I mean, she'll only be his property for the next two years,"

"Tsunade-sama!"

_**The end**_

* * *

**A/N:** So yeah... I haven't really had any time to write for quite some time... I had some kind of an idea for a new story, but I wanted to see if I was able to write a story in the _humor _genre. Truth to be told... I lost where, I was going pretty fast... So I'm not gonna walk into that area again.  
BUT! I still have a story in mind, and when I get the time, I'll post the first chapter!  
Until then... enjoy (or something) my word vomit!


	2. Chapter 2

-o-o-o-o-

**_Once upon a time there was a great kingdom. A great kingdom located in a warm climate, where all the people lived in happiness and peace. _**

**_Except said kingdom's medical field lacking greatly, so the average death rate is higher than any other kingdom except Oto, but no one likes Oto anyways. _**

**_Though no worries dear readers! The leader of the kingdom Suna, is their Kazekage Gaara of the Sand, has had the most intelligent plan. After winning an exceptional kunoichi with incredible skills in the said field, in a round of Go-Fish with the Hokage, Suna's medical field would without a doubt improve in no time! _**

**_Clearly at that time, he had no idea what he was going into. _**

Gaara shakes his head with 60 miles per hour while staring fearfully at the enormous needle, the pink haired kunoichi is holding in front of his face. Calmly, but surely taking backwards steps to get away from the obviously crazy female.

"Sakura-san, I can assure you that there is absolutely no reason for me to go through that torture. I am perfectly healthy".

Sakura stares sternly at the Kazekage, while slowly taking steps towards him. "I will be the one to decide that. Afterall, do you know how many pathogen viruses are in Suna in comparison to Konoha?"

Gaara takes another step back, "that is, but a matter of a factor that the…"

"I almost died for you!" she accuses, still edging closer. Far too close in Gaara's subjective opinion.

"I have no idea what you're referring to, Sakura-san".

She rolls her eyes at that, "yeah, just forget all about me becoming a lamb skewer to save your dead ass…."

Gaara gulps as Sakura narrows her eyes at him, "you will have this vaccine, and you will have it now!"

Pink and red is a blur, as Sakura lunges at him. The guards outside the Kazekage's office tries to ignore the girly screams coming from behind the doors.

-o-o-o-o-

**_A year and 4-ish months has passed since Sakura Haruno, renowned medic and kunoichi of Konoha, settled in Suna. There hasn't been a day where she hasn't cursed her mentor for losing her in a bet, though the sun does seem to have a positive effect on her. It has been exactly one year, 4 days, 7 hours and 52 minutes since she last punched someone through a wall. If that isn't improvement, nothing is! _**

**_As an offer of apology, the Hokage sends Team 7 for ambassador work in Suna each month. Not the best idea, considering Team 7 history of undisputed chaos, but it's the thought that counts. _**

**_Today is one of the many times, Team 7 is in Suna. Oh, joy!_**

Sakura barely catches the sight of her sensei, Kakashi before she throws herself to the side. Gaara, who has been walking by her side, lifts an eyebrow at her in question and judgement.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

A blonde boy slams into the Kazekage with so much force that both individuals tumbles to the ground.

Temari, Gaara's sister and official advisor in his work as Kazekage, who has been walking on Sakura's other side (and had mind enough to move out of the way when Sakura did) laughs loudly. Meanwhile, Gaara and Naruto tries to get up, but in their confusion ends up getting entangled even more.

"Are you not going to get off my brother, little Naruto? Or do you like him that much?" Temari laughs.

"Hn"

"Fuck off, Sasuke!"

Sakura scoffs at her raven-haired teammate before turning towards the rest of her teammates.

Sai smiles his usual creeper smile, "hi ugly". Yamato facepalms.

The pinkette cracks her knuckles while smiling back at Sai, "want a helping hand back to Konoha? I could really use a punching bag right now".

Yamato looks towards Kakashi for help, before Team 7 - Sakura in general - ruins the streets or houses of central Suna, but the silver haired shinobi just shrugs his shoulders back at him, "you know, save the bees. Be sustainable".

...

**_Since the last time, it has now been 3 minutes since Sakura last punched someone through a wall._**

-o-o-o-o-

It takes an embarrassing long time for Naruto to get off Gaara, and Temari uses every opportunity to mock the two for it. Naruto's entire face is red, while Gaara imagines what luxury it would be to be a lone child.

Speaking of siblings. A male in black clothes and purple face-paint rounds a corner to stumble into the group.

"Gaara! Temari! Nice to finally see you. I've accidentally locked myself out of the house" Kankurou says sheepishly.

Sakura sighs, rubbing her temples, "isn't this the 8th time this week?" she asks.

Kankurou smiles at her, "I actually think it's the 9th, but who's counting?"

Gaara and Temari just stares at their brother, as he turns to look at Team 7, "so what were you guys doing, having a meet-up like this?"

Temari turns her head towards her brother, smirk already in place, "we were just talking about how Naruto is hella gay for Gaara,"

"Wait, what?"

Blue eyes widen, while the red-headed man side eyes the blonde. Slowly but surely scooting a bit further away.

Sakura smirks, enjoying the utter confusion and panic in the blonde's eyes. Taunting, she adds teasingly, "I always thought he had something for Sasuke though".

Sasuke has to hold himself back from puking. Naruto is suddenly blue in the face. Sai takes out his pencils to draw the ridiculous looks on both of their faces. Art should be saved for an eternity, right?

"We're… no! That's just wrong! Sakura, that's not it! I was just trying to bring him back and save him from the Akatsuki!".

Kakashi nudges his shoulder against Yamato, "is that what the kids call it these days?".

Yamato shrugs his shoulders in return, questioning the Hokage's sanity to put him on Team 7.

"That's cute. Really fucking disturbing because it's specifically you two idiots… but still cute", Kankurou says, not quite catching the sarcasm from the two females.

_**The next few minutes are filled with a panicking Naruto insisting he is NOT finding Sasuke NOR Gaara attractive, a sick looking Sasuke, a Kazekage who looks like he wants to flee, a smirking Temari, a down-right laughing Sakura, a painting Sai, an amused Kakashi, a tired Yamato and a very confused Kankurou.** _

"For the last time! I was just saving him from the Akatuski!" the blonde yells while flailing his arms in the air.

The silver haired jounin exchanges a look with Yamato, "that has got to be code word for something".

-o-o-o-o-

**_The males of Team 7 are preparing for their travel back to Konoha. Preparing as in Sasuke sharpening his kunais, Kakashi reading his Icha Icha series, Naruto with his head buried deep into a cup of instant ramen, Sai doing Sai-things and Yamato packing all their stuff. _**

Sasuke sighs for the millionth time in one hour, as Naruto keeps grumbling into his noodles. All the way back from the Kazekage's office, Naruto did nothing but argument why he was so NOT gay, and especially not for Gaara – one of his good and very respected FRIENDS. Sasuke sighs once again, today is such a long day.

At the same time, Naruto sits deep in thought and ignores everything around him except for the half eating cup of ramen in his hands. Internally, he's debating his sexual orientation and trying to argument that he's not gay:

Sure. He abandoned every sane thought and followed Sasuke across nations to bring him back. Oh, and he used the first like 32 episodes of Shippuuden to bring Gaara home, utterly crushed when he thought the Kazekage had died… and… oh no…

Blue eyes search out Sasuke, "oh my god!"

The black-haired man just stares back as the cup of ramen falls to the floor. Oh, he's so not going to clean that up for the stupid blonde.

"Am I?"

"…"

Sweat begins to perspire on the forehead of the panicking blonde, "do people think I am?"

"…"

"Maybe I really am going overboard with all that support and feelings stuff, I'm monologuing at every bad guy we've ever run into."

"…"

Hands clasp at blonde locks in frustration, "oh my god, Sasuke!"

"…"

"Am I gay?"

If Sasuke had any less dignity, he would have facepalmed.

…

Screw it. They could probably hear the smack all the way over in Oto. The red mark on his forehead would stay at least until the evening.

-o-o-o-o-

**_In the Kazekage's office, Temari and Sakura are assisting Gaara with the paperwork after a meeting about the improving conditions of Suna's medical field. Okay, more like; Sakura is helping and Temari is not helping that much. She's probably just pestering him with the excuse of helping. You know… big sister priorities and all that. _**

"I'm a bit disappointed that you and that Naruto-kid isn't in some wild inter-shinobi-nation romance…"

Gaara turns around to stare Temari down. An unspoken warning and promise of death is hanging in the air, filling up the room.

Temari ignores it, as a sister does best, "and here we all thought that it was some kind of forbidden, wild boys love… like Haru and Rin… or Victor and Yuri!".

"Is that some sort of reference I'm supposed to know?"

Gaara just blinks questionably at her, wondering if he has to lock her into a mental facility somewhere until she once again shows some signs of intelligence. None of them hear the discreet sound of sudden silence.

Temari grins back, until she suddenly looks around confused, "hey! Where's Sakura? She was here just a second ago".

-o-o-o-o-

**_Meanwhile, with Team 7 on the way back to Konoha from Suna._**

Sasuke sends a tortured look towards Kakashi, who just smiles while reading his Icha Icha book. Internally, all male shinobi, save for the blonde one, wishes Konoha wasn't that far from Suna.

"So, if totally gay is a 10 in a scale from 1 to 10. Where would that put me? Like 6? Maybe 7?"

"…"

"Am I medium gay? Over-average gay?"

"…"

Sai turns his head towards Naruto, "what do you even call that?"

A sound to their left makes them come to a stop. All having their kunais drawn to fight of potential enemies. A flash of pink hair is spotted between the trees and all males of Team 7 lowers their weapons.

"Sakura? I thought you were supposed to stay in Suna for 8 more months," Naruto exclaims, while scratching his head in confusion.

Sakura rolls her eyes so hard that she swears, she's able to see the inside of her head, though Naruto or the others aren't able to tell because she's not facing them. Long story short: Itachi is standing in all his intimidating glory with said kunoichi slung over his right shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He is of course facing her teammates which leaves her with her behind pointed at them instead.

"Well would you look at that… seems like I got kidnapped! By your psychotic brother nonetheless, Sasuke! Do something!"

She can feel an incoming headache and knows her face is red and all she wishes is to be put horizontal again. With her head in the right direction, thank you very much! A sigh escapes her lips, "hey, older but none the less gloomy and dark Uchiha?"

No answer, but Sakura is too frustrated to care.

"Can you… can you, like… turn a bit, so I can curse at my teammates?"

Still no answer but Itachi turns subtly, just enough for Sakura to see the faces of her male teammates.

"Um yeah, thanks…"

"Sakura! You're consorting with the enemy!" Naruto fake-whispers, ignoring that Itachi is fully able to hear everything.

"Hn."

"Fuck off, Sasuke!"

Itachi clears his throat, "I just wanted to inform you that the Akatsuki has declared ownership of a medic".

In return, Sasuke scoffs at him, "and you decided to choose the most annoying one of them all? Bad call, brother".

Sakura's eyes flashes so wildly with thunder and irritation that Sasuke swears, he can hear it. "Hey Sasuke? Do me a favor and go out and play in a thunderstorm."

Without further ado, Sasuke retracts his hand to wave at her instead. A subtle but sadistic glint in his eyes, "enjoy your stay in Ame then".

Sakura's eyes widen before she opens her mouth to curse him to Iwa and beyond, "SASUKE UCHIHA, YOU SICK FUC…!".

Itachi and Sakura disappear from the clearing in a cloud of smoke. Her curse still hanging heavily in the air.

Naruto turns his big, blue eyes towards Sasuke, mouth so open that his jaw almost hits the ground, "did you just…"

Sasuke just shrugs and turns in the direction of Konoha, fully intending on just returning home to rest.

Kakashi sniffs and wipes away an imaginary tear, "my babies are growing up so fast… one day they're freshly made genin, the next they're in illicit affairs with dangerous, wanted criminals through all the shinobi nations running away into the sunset."

Yamato facepalms while imagining all the explanation they have to do once they get back to Konoha. Just why was he placed into this team again?

-o-o-o-o-

* * *

A/N:

Hey everyone!  
New word vomit has come, now that my country's government has decided that all schools, university etc. is closed until at least April.

Are you all holding up in these times with the Covid-19? I'm not that worried about myself, but I can't help but worry about the elders and the sick. I hope that there will soon be a breakthrough in fighting the virus.

Please follow and remind others to follow the guidelines set for your country, so the experts have more time and energy to the important tasks at hand.

Stay healthy everyone!


End file.
